Dating Someone In Recovery

Dating isn’t easy at any stage of life. Dating during recovery brings with it a set of challenges on both sides of the relationship. Imagine this scenario: you’ve been dating for awhile when one day, you find someone who seems to have all the qualities you seek in a partner  – thoughtfulness, a good sense of humor, a calm demeanor – and you actually find them attractive. Then, during a frank discussion they drop the big one: “I used to be a drug addict.” They might as well have said “I’m married.” But is this really a dis qualifier? Is the relationship doomed? More on that later.

Dating During Recovery

If you’re in recovery, you’re no stranger to therapy  As a result, you’ve spent a lot of time working on yourself and on your relationships. You’ve probably learned a great deal about important relationship skills, including how to identify, manage and communicate your emotions. You’ve also learned how to set personal boundaries while honoring the boundaries established by others. There’s an argument to be made that a recovering addict is less likely to expect perfection from a partner, knowing firsthand that humans have flaws. Recovery teaches one not just how to live a sober life, but also how to find happiness in life. Many addicts aren’t seeking someone to take care of them, as they’ve learned to stand on their own two feet. Some recovering addicts take to spirituality to help give them strength or to help provide meaning and purpose to their lives. Given that recovery is a lifelong process, recovering addicts are in a perpetual state of self-improvement. Despite having a rocky past, many recovering addicts are new people when they grow into their life of sobriety. Recovery can shape them into some of the healthiest, most focused and stable individuals you’ll ever meet. But dating during recovery can have its challenges. First, a recovering addict who is considering dating should have at least one year of sobriety. In fact, it’s better if they have more. Recovering addicts are especially vulnerable to relapse in stressful situations, like break-ups. Second, recovering addicts should actively pursuing continued recovery treatment or therapy – attending meetings, volunteering, practicing self-care and so on – not just begrudgingly maintaining abstinence from drugs and alcohol while the underlying causes of addiction remain unresolved. These mandates exist to ensure that addicts have a fair shot at lasting recovery and to protect the people they might date from falling for someone who is unhealthy, unavailable or worse.

Your Partner Will Have Questions

Dating during recovery is just like dating for anyone else. Your partner is monitoring your behavior and attitude. If you’re dating an addict, you should realize that assessing the recovering addict’s status is just as important as understanding your own attitudes about. addiction? Is addiction especially problematic for you, perhaps because there’s an addict in your family? It’s not unnatural for people to have powerful feelings against addiction. In fact,  surveys have shown that people judge addicts (even recovering ones) more harshly than people struggling with obesity, depression and even schizophrenia. If you believe addiction is a sign of weakness or a character flaw, dating a recovering addict probably isn’t for you. The primary consideration is that you must pay attention. If your alarm bells are ringing, there is probably a good reason. If you’re dating someone in recovery, bringing this person into your inner circle, perhaps some of their previous choices or lifestyle might have an impact not only on their own physical or mental health, the consequences of their addiction may have an impact on your life later on. Since addiction is a chronic brain disease, the threat of relapse is always a consideration. Given that as many as 40 to 60 percent of addicts might relapse, watching the process of relapse can be heartbreaking. While it’s true that not all addicts will relapse, if the relapse is momentary, they can often get back on track before any lingering damage is done. If you decide to continue to the relationship, you need to understand what’s involved when someone is dating during recovery. For instance, depending on the recovering addict’s particular needs, you may need to avoid drinking or using drugs around them or stop going to certain types of social events. Your partner will need to attend group meetings or meetings with a sponsor or a support group. These meetings may occur at inconvenient times. Regardless, your full support is critical to their recovery. While it’s not your responsibility to police their sobriety, you should have a discussion early on about the boundaries you will set. An addict who is firmly established in their recovery will understand will not expect you to babysit them. Just understand that their support system may at times take priority over you. As is the case with any relationship, a certain amount of baggage comes with every new relationship. An addict’s past can be riddled with problems, large and small. In some cases, they may be carrying a significant amount of debt. They may have a criminal record or lingering legal problems. They may not have a driver’s license. There maybe deep-seated tensions within their family. You may hear wild stories of their past from their friends. Be honest about your tolerance level early in the relationship. Remember that the person you’re dating is radically different from the addict he or she once was. Make every effort to evaluate them based on how they’re living today, not for the mistakes of the past. If you’re a recovering addict considering dating during recovery, you must remember that your first obligation is to your recovery. You must do an honest self-assessment as to your ability to handle the strain of a break-up. If you’re in your first or second year of recovery, you should avoid dating until you have established your self with a job, a stable living situation and have a few months of stability under your belt. Consider the pros and cons and above all, remember that everyone deserves a second chance.   [contact-form-7 id=”586″ title=”Contact Us”]