How To Support a Friend During Recovery
One of the most asked questions we get from friends of addicts is how to support a friend during recovery. It’s only natural to want to be helpful and supportive, but you may feel at a loss as to what can be done. Here are a few different options to that might help guide you. Each individual’s recovery journey will be different, so some of these suggestions will be more helpful than others. Although these ideas come from my work with people with mental illness and addiction, most should work equally well for other issues, such as recovery related to grief, loss, or illness. 1. Express your desire to help. Sometimes a person in recovery will ask you directly for help, but often they won’t. If they do, that’s a good sign. There are some cases where they simply be embarrassed to ask for help. It’s o.k. to make the first move in such a situation. Make it clear that help is available from you if they want it. Keep it simple; just say, “I want to tell you I’m here to help in any way I can.” 2. Let them know how you can help. To best support a friend during recovery, it’s important for them to know that you intend to be there for them through thick and thin. After you’ve had this discussion, get into the specific as to how you can help. Talk with them about their needs and expectations. “Help” can mean many different things, from providing a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on to specific tasks, such as giving reminders to take medication or providing a ride to the doctor. Come to an agreement about your role and the types of things you both agree are reasonable. 3. Make yourself available often. Keep in contact on a with the addict on a regular basis. If you can, set a schedule for how often you will check in by phone or in person. If you have agreed to be available 24/7, follow through on that promise. It’s also helpful to have a back-up plan to contact another person in case you aren’t able to respond immediately. Texting, social media messages and phone calls at regular intervals will make it known that you’re good to your word. 4. Educate yourself about recovery. Spend some time on the internet looking for information on recovery. There are plenty of good websites and resources to help arm you with information and support services. Understand your friend’s journey, the timetable and the warning signs of relapse. Discuss alternative activities and future plans with your friend to help convey the sense that life will be better for him after he completes his recovery treatment. 5. Provide honest feedback without judgment. Ask for permission to offer honest feedback. Once this approval is given, don’t be afraid to offer feedback regularly. Keep it positive by providing frequent encouragement and abundant praise for progress toward a specific goal. Offer constructive and supportive comments and suggestions about things that aren’t going as well to help the person get back on track. Your goal is not to condemn them for missteps but to show them the path and demonstrate the rewards of completing each step. 6. Remind them of the concept of personal responsibility. Remember that you can’t recover for someone else. While you can offer support, education, and advice, they retain the primary responsibility for their own recovery and for working toward their identified goals. It’s sometimes a delicate balance, but don’t rescue or enable the person by taking on things they should be handling for themselves. Keep offering gentle reminders that they (and not you) are ultimately in charge of their life. 7. Facilitate continued support mechanism. A good recovery plan includes multiple forms of support, and you shouldn’t be the only one helping the person. They may have a therapist, a sponsor or a support group with which they’re working. Help ensure your friend is leaning on all of them when needed. It can often be beneficial to communicate with these other supporters, but only if you are explicitly permitted to do so by the person you are assisting. This is another valuable tool to help support a friend during recovery. 8. Promote a healthy lifestyle. Recovery should have a holistic focus, which includes nourishment of the mind, body, and spirit. To this end, help the person remember to make healthy lifestyle choices. These typically include a balanced diet, physical activity, adequate sleep, social interactions, regular health screenings, involvement in a faith community, and participation in physical activities that interest them. Adventure therapy programs can also have a profound impact on recovery, so seek out entities that encourage this. [contact-form-7 id=”586″ title=”Contact Us”] 9. Focus on the person, not the addiction. Just because you have chosen to support a friend during recovery does not mean that you will do blindly. In the early stages of recovery, the person’s illness can be overwhelming, making it hard for them to remember all of their other unique personal strengths. They may lean on you in odd ways and in some cases, they might start making excuses for missteps. The period of recovery is not the time to focus on their past but instead, it’s time to help them focus on the future. Some people come from a past that was forsaken for addiction. If they were engaged in healthy hobbies before addiction took over, see if you can get them to take up those hobbies again. Returning to normalcy means picking up the healthy habits they had prior to addiction and continuing the pursuit of things that bring them satisfaction. Eventually, the illness should be seen as only one part of who they are, and not what defines them as a person. Looking forward a rewarding life is a goal that most recovering addicts can embrace. 10. Don’t give up. The journey of recovery can be long, challenging, fraught with many setbacks, and can often be overwhelming for loved ones. This can be exhausting for both you and the person in recovery. It’s critical to not give up. Keep moving forward slowly, and think of the road to recovery as a long-term campaign, not an individual battle on which everything is riding. [cta id=’269′]
