Learning how to help someone in recovery can be the difference between their sustained sobriety and relapse.
With the recently published NSDUH 2020 reporting that 40 million adults in the United States have substance use disorder and 28.5 million have alcohol use disorder. With so many people grappling with substance use issues, there is every chance you may feel the need to help a loved one with addiction.
Before taking on the role of a sober support ally, though, you should consider a few important issues.
Firstly, you should genuinely want to help your loved one rather than feel you should help out of obligation.
You should also bear in mind that helping someone in recovery does not need to be a zero-sum game. If all you can do is offer some minimal support, this is much better than not helping at all. You don’t have to go all-in. Indeed, as we’ll outline with today’s strategies for helping a friend or family member through recovery, you’ll need to strike a balance between supporting someone else and taking care of your own needs.
Ask yourself if you are strong enough and stable enough to give the help you are planning. The quality of the support you give is contingent on the quality of your self-care.
You don’t need to assume this extra responsibility alone either. Lean on friends and family for help if you are feeling the strain.
Beyond all this, you should have firm limits in mind when it comes to helping someone addicted to drink or drugs. You don’t need to give everything of yourself to make a significant difference in someone’s recovery journey.
So, what can you do to meaningfully help a loved one recovering from addiction?
How to Support a Friend in Recovery
Here are some simple pointers that can streamline helping a friend in recovery from addiction to drink or drugs:
- Look after yourself first
- Learn as much as possible about addiction and recovery
- Make sure you actively listen to your loved one
- Lead by example
- Stay positive, even in the event of a slip-up
- Refrain from judgment
- Keep friction and arguments to a minimum
- Join a support group yourself if necessary
- Help connect your loved one with appropriate treatment
Look after yourself first
If a friend, family member, or partner is struggling with substance abuse, it can be tough to prioritize yourself.
You should understand, though, that recovery is a lifelong journey, and if you plan to take that journey alongside your loved one, your self-care is paramount.
At a minimum, try to focus on the following:
- Eating lots of healthy whole foods and a few processed foods.
- Getting the right quantity and quality of sleep.
- Take time out to relax and disengage.
The more robust you feel, physically and emotionally, the more powerfully you can help a loved one with an addiction.
Learn as much as possible about addiction and recovery
Another key preparatory step for anyone planning to help someone in recovery is to discover as much as possible about both addiction and recovery.
Addiction is neither a lack of willpower nor a moral failing, but rather a chronic and relapsing brain condition. Sustained substance abuse triggers functional and structural brain changes. Becoming aware of this might make it easier to understand your loved one’s behaviors.
Relapse rates for recovery are unfortunately high, and it pays to be realistic about the possibility of a slip-up. Most estimates show that between 40% and 60% of those engaging with inpatient treatment relapse within 30 days, while up to 85% can relapse during the first year of recovery. Understanding this enables you to be realistic about the chance of your loved one relapsing rather than blaming them for a slip-up or lapse.
If your loved one has not yet engaged with addiction treatment, find out as much as you can about the various inpatient and outpatient options available. Learn about the main forms of treatment used to treat alcoholism and drug addiction: medication-assisted treatment and psychotherapy.
Equipped with this knowledge, you will be better placed to assist a friend in recovery, regardless of the stage of their recovery journey.
Make sure you actively listen to your loved one
When you’re speaking with your loved one about their addiction, don’t make the mistake of lecturing them or delivering a monologue.
Instead, spend the time listening to their specific issues with substance use. You can demonstrate that you are actively listening by asking plenty of questions. Paraphrasing what your loved one is saying is another good way to show them you are listening. This can also help clear up any confusion if you misunderstood what they meant.
Lead by example
Sustained substance use impacts the pleasure and reward system in the brain. Beyond this, abusing substances can also affect the areas of the brain responsible for reasoning, rationale, and higher-level processes like decision-making.
If you adopt a healthy sober lifestyle yourself, rising early, eating healthy foods, and exercising, loved ones can see the benefits of this firsthand, and it can encourage them to follow suit.
Stay positive, even in the event of a slip-up
As mentioned, addiction is a chronic and relapsing disorder, so you need to prepare yourself for your loved one’s recovery journey not always going smoothly.
While it’s beneficial to accept the risk of relapse, you should remain consistently positive about your loved one’s recovery. If they relapse, help them to understand what led them to lapse, and help them get back on track.
Refrain from judgment
Many people in recovery are dealing with feelings of guilt or shame, and many struggle with a negative self-image.
Whatever you do, don’t add to these feelings by judging your loved one for substance abuse. What counts is helping them to push forward with their sober life while celebrating the progress they have made.
Keep friction and arguments to a minimum
Family stress can contribute to alcohol or drug relapses, as well as inflaming any co-occurring conditions like anxiety or depression.
While you should communicate openly and honestly, you should also ensure that all conflict is minimized. The more time you spend constructively helping your friend through recovery and the less time you spend arguing, the better.
Join a support group yourself if necessary
Sometimes, helping a partner or close family member in recovery can be all-consuming. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help yourself if the strain is getting on top of you.
Speak with your healthcare provider if you feel you would benefit from counseling. Alternatively, consider a support group for families of those with addiction, like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon.
Help connect your loved one with appropriate treatment
Perhaps your loved one has not yet engaged with professional addiction treatment. If not, and if they are struggling to stay sober, do everything you can to consider getting professional help – more on that below.
How Do You Help Someone Who Is Sober?
If you want to play a pivotal role in helping a loved one who is sober, here are some suggestions:
- Make yourself available
- Keep expectations reasonable
- Minimize all environmental triggers
- Plan plenty of fun sober activities
Make yourself available
Your loved one will probably be finding it challenging to spend time with a sober network if they have been socializing almost exclusively with people abusing substances.
How often you see your friend or family member will depend on how close you are and other variables, but make sure you are available for them within reasonable limits.
Keep expectations reasonable
For most people watching loved ones grapple with addiction, all they want is to see their nearest and dearest clean and sober.
To reiterate, addiction is a relapsing disorder, and recovery is an ongoing process rather than a single event. While addiction is treatable, it is not curable.
By pegging expectations and preparing for possible relapse, you should avoid the bitter disappointment that can strike if this happens unexpectedly. When prepared, you should find you can conceal any disappointment from your loved one. They do not need any more negative emotions if they are already coping with relapse. Double down and help them to push beyond this roadblock in their recovery instead.
Minimize all environmental triggers
Ensure that your loved one is not exposed to alcohol or drugs at home.
If your loved one finds certain social situations problematic, help them pursue healthier sober alternatives.
The more you learn about what triggers your loved one to drink or use drugs, the better you can help them to avoid or resist these urges. The good news is that your loved one will have worked on identifying their triggers for substance use in recovery, so start a conversation and find out more about how you can help in this crucial area.
Plan plenty of fun sober activities
From grabbing a coffee to taking a walk, from exercise classes to painting classes, spend quality time with your sober loved one doing whatever healthy activities make the best fit for your lifestyle.
The more your loved one pursues a sober lifestyle, the more these healthy behaviors are reinforced, and the more readily they become repeatable behaviors.
Living Sober at The District Recovery
For anyone looking to connect a loved one with addiction treatment, you’re in safe hands here at The District.
All our outpatient programs utilize evidence-based treatment, including:
- MAT (medication-assisted treatment
- Psychotherapy
- Counseling
- Holistic therapies
We’ll ensure that your loved one addresses their alcohol use disorder or substance use disorder to maximize their chances of sustained sobriety. When they complete their program, they will leave TDRC with robust aftercare and relapse prevention plan in place.
If your loved one needs the benefits of residential rehab without the restrictions or the cost, we also offer IOPs (intensive outpatient programs) and PHPs (partial hospitalization programs) so they get the right level of care for their needs.
Help them get started by calling the friendly team today at 844.287.8506.
